I am part of the top global 1%. I have lived a unique life that has taken me to dozens of nations. I have an education that lets me make a difference in the world. But all of this isn’t enough. How can someone with power or running water be happier than our pampered lives? Eking out an hard existence is more rewarding? How is this possible?
The difference comes down to a simple truth: when we have a purpose external to ourselves it’s easier to stay the course. Whether that purpose be God, children, or a lover, it doesn’t matter so long as there is a foundation of giving to build your life around.
My first recollection of uncontrollable sadness came when I was 12. We had lived in Nova Scotia for 2.5 years and we were moving again. All I knew was I would lose everyone in my life again. Even worse, my older siblings would not be moving with us. After that, I stopped connecting with people. I’d nod and agree and make some friends, but always in the back of my mind was the thought that nothing lasts.
My life since then has been very fragmented with two or three years in one country at a time. This has put a damper on my love life as I only look for a real commitment. I thought I’d found it once and proposed, but she cheated on me and I didn’t communicate well enough, so we went our separate ways with my heart in tatters.
I’ve been hospitalized 3-4 times in the last two years with depression and suicidal tendencies. Each time was different, but the underlying feeling was just to escape and be done with life. What I’ve learnt is that we must make wellness in our lives rather than focusing on the negligence of our illness. We cannot change the pass, and we cannot predict the future, we only have this moment to make a difference for better or worse.
